In my youth I used to wonder why I would entice people when I wasn’t actually interested in them. I wondered why my sensuality felt restricted when I was out in public. I wondered why when I was feeling sexy it was taken as an invitation. I didn’t realise the push-pull energy I was putting out there. The conditioning we have all inherited around feminine sexual energy has led to utter confusion. Let’s reclaim our radiant sensuality without it pulling in uncomfortable situations.
The Message of Flirtation
Men and women flirt. They playfully entice the attention of others. Gestures and words say ‘look at me’, ‘adore me’, ‘dote upon me’, and it works. There is no question this age old game has power, but what does it actually attract?
After years of attempting to swing between enticing a man’s attention at the bar, and furiously reacting when I was hassled on the dance floor, I realized what seeds I was sewing. My sexual energy was wide open while my heart was closed. I was giving men permission to be ‘sexual predators’. I was using my sexual energy to get my fix of adoration while offering a false promise of something more. But is that what I really wanted? And what exactly are men meant to read into that?
And obviously it works both ways. The amount of times the smallest compliment, empty words of affection would open me up. My sexual energy would pour out ready for the taking. And this doesn’t mean it ever lead to a physical interaction, but that person certainly received all the attention they wanted. And where was I left? Alone and depleted.
Unlike light playfulness, flirtation is a call for sexual attention. It is not an invitation to get to know each other and open the possibility for deeper connection. It is simply a primal invitation. Like a cat on heat we send our pheromones out, waiting for a response, for those affirmations of our sexiness. Our inner teenager using our sexual energy to meet the unmet attention we may have experienced as a child. We are saying, “Tell me I am sexy”, “Make me feel better about myself”, “Show me I am worthy of love”. Immediately we put our power in their hands. We give them permission to treat us however they want as long as we are getting some form of attention. Whatever the result we are essentially telling them we do not need respect and we are disposable.
Sovereign Sexual Energy
The energy of creation is always pulsing through you. It is your life force, it is your sexual energy, it is your sensuality. This is how we take in the beauty of life; the smell of a rose, the texture of water, the taste of chocolate, these are alls sensual act. This is why women are sensual beings – we take in life and we make life, we are creation embodied. Embodiment relies on our relationship to our senses. Whether you are creating a painting, conceiving a baby or building a business, your sexual/sensual energy is behind it. Having a healthy relationship with our sexual energy is what nourishes our vitality. We can eat organic food and take all the best supplements, and still be stuck in fatigue and disconnection. Our sexual energy is meant to fuel us and our loved ones, not any old Tom Dick or Harry that looks in your direction.
Free to Be You
What if we could simply sit down, be ourselves and have a conversation with someone; and god forbid even have the courage to tell them we are enjoying their company? It’s easy to flirt, to use our sexual energy to hide our true selves, because who wants to reveal their flaws? But it takes deep courage, deep trust in ourselves, and an honor of our worth to be honest in our expressions; to simply be without putting a false image of ourselves out there. It’s in those moments that we can relax and let go. No expectations, no illusion, just simple, honest transparency. Because after all, isn’t that what we all want in another?
Living a Sensual Life
Women are sensual beings. When are hearts are lit up we engage with the beauty of everything in the world, we exude sensuality just by existing. But what is a man to do? He has been taught that even a whiff of sensual energy is an invitation. And what is a woman to do? How can she feel free to be in her full feminine beauty without being hit upon?
Sensuality is the full embodiment of our senses. The more we connect with our senses the more alive we feel. The smell of a flower; the taste of chocolate; the feel of silk; the sight of a sunset, when we are fully present these are sensual experiences. Sensuality is the beauty within everything; it is the essence of the feminine; it is the essence of life. We can only observe true grace in a woman when her sensuality is present. This is the radiance; this is the mesmerizing glow of a 70-year-old woman.
Just as a plant blooms a flower and a bird sings its song, so a woman’s beauty shines through her sensuality. Whether she is dancing, singing, painting, laughing, playing or quietly being; a woman in her power will do all of this with a resonance of sensuality. This is our true sexiness!
Understanding that enticement is the expression of our inner child or inner teenager wielding our sexual energy for attention helps us to meet their needs. Deep self honouring naturally contains our sexual energy and directs it towards its deeper purpose – to fuel our vitality. Once connected with the heart our sensual energy connects with all the beauty of the world, with nature and people, not with enticement but with reverence. This is where a man is given permission to see all of you, , not fishing or pulling but standing in all of your true radiance.
There is nothing more sexy than an empowered woman that doesn’t need verification from anyone, but she is fearless to let herself be completely seen in her beautifully delicious grace.
